The Beckham family’s situation highlights a reality that is becoming increasingly common on social media and in surveys: people who decide they would be better off stepping away from their families

Parent-child relationships have always been somewhat of a minefield. Parents hold a key that grants access to areas of their child’s life that no one else can enter — a foundational intimacy. However, more and more people are choosing to sever that bond and throw the key away. It’s difficult to quantify how many children have decided to stop speaking to their parents, although some studies point to a steady increase in recent years. In 2020, 27% of Americans over the age of 18 were estranged from a family member, according to data collected by Karl Pillemer, a professor at Cornell University. In August of last year, a YouGov poll indicated that 38% of U.S. adults were estranged from a family member: 24% from a sibling, 16% from a parent, 10% from a child, 9% from a grandparent, and 6% from a grandchild.

It’s a trend that has also made its mark on social media. On TikTok, the hashtag #ToxicFamily has generated hundreds of videos and millions of views, offering advice on how to deal with toxic family members. The latest case to come to light is that of Brooklyn Beckham, who announced on social media that he is cutting ties with his parents, David and Victoria Beckham, after months of rumors pointing to a deep family rift.

Brooklyn directly blames his parents for the problems that, he says, affect both him and his wife, Nicola Peltz. He did so in a blistering statement that includes lines such as “I do not want to reconcile with my family,” “I have been controlled by my parents for most of my life,” and “my brothers were sent to attack me on social media.”

This is yet another example of how the social taboo surrounding cutting ties with one’s parents is slowly beginning to crack. Brooklyn’s case recalls that of Prince Harry, who also made his family conflicts public after beginning his relationship and distancing himself from the British royal family.

This phenomenon even has a specific term: estrangement. And it stems from a wide variety of causes. Sometimes it’s related to physical or psychological violence, abuse, mistreatment within the family, gender-based violence, or the rejection by some family members of their children’s sexual or gender identity. According to the YouGov study, gay men and lesbian or bisexual women are more likely to become estranged from their families than heterosexual people.

Other times, the causes have less to do with a specific incident and more with a long‑standing, strained relationship: ongoing conflict, gradual distancing, and, above all, the inability to meet certain emotional needs that go far beyond financial support or basic care.

“Emotional neglect goes beyond minimal care,” Hernand explained on the podcast Que si quiero o que si tengo. She also pointed to a widely held misconception: “It seems that cutting off a family relationship is only justified when there is physical or sexual aggression.” However, she notes, there are other forms of neglect, mistreatment, or violence — less visible but equally harmful — whose emotional weight can be decisive when it comes to breaking the bond.

Psychologist David Gómez, author of Un viaje hacia el amor (propio) (or, A Journey Towards [Self] Love), says that family issues are among the most common problems brought to therapy. “Family can be a fundamental source of well-being, but also a constant source of conflict.” This tension, he notes, becomes especially visible at Christmas — gatherings where roles are firmly assigned, where there are implicit rules about how things should be, and where any deviation is perceived as a threat. “To the point that you see articles and advice like: How not to argue with your family at Christmas? And you think: wow, families really are in rough shape.”

Millennials were the first generation to prioritize emotional well-being and mental health over the perceived obligation to remain close to their parents. Beatriz Molina, a psychologist, says she sees many people between the ages of 20 and 35 in her practice who struggle with these kinds of family conflicts. “It’s not exclusive to that age group, but it is especially common,” she says. In her opinion, it’s related to a clear generational shift. “These are generations with a greater awareness of emotional well-being and a much more normalized approach to therapy. n the past, parents were expected to provide little more than basic survival. Today, people expect emotional attention, presence, connection. And that creates clashes between generations.”

In many cases, parents aren’t even able to fully understand what their children are asking of them. Marta Íñigo, 31, has spent years barely speaking to her mother, aside from the occasional encounter at Christmas or at her nephew’s birthday. She explains that, for her, cutting off the relationship had to do with having expected something from her mother that never came. “I’m grateful for the material things: feeding me, caring for me like you would an animal or a pet. But I needed a maternal figure with an emotional availability that simply wasn’t there.” That’s why she now sees her mother now in a different light. “She’s not a mother. She’s an older person, almost decorative, someone I don’t want to argue with. I don’t want to experience the constant shock of realizing she’s not the mother I would have wanted, but I also don’t want to turn her into an enemy.”

According to Íñigo, one has to accept that family often works like a lottery. Sometimes you fit, and sometimes you don’t. “If I liked my mother, if I didn’t see her as a bad‑tempered, cowardly, depressed person; if her life didn’t seem like hell to me, maybe it would work. But I don’t like her as a person. It’s brutal to say, but it’s true.” She adds: “I’m fairly certain that it’s not that my mother doesn’t love me, but I am sure I’m not someone she’s particularly fond of. Although, of course, she would never admit it.”

In recent years, family has lost weight as a structuring force in society, giving way to friendships. Books like Elogio de la amistad (In Praise of Friendship), by philosopher Geoffroy de Lagasnerie, explore this shift. Gómez believes family relationships haven’t necessarily worsened; rather, people now have the option of distancing themselves when a relationship doesn’t work. “We’re realizing that certain imposed roles don’t have to last forever. And that doesn’t have to be negative. From there, a broader idea of family emerges: not just blood or what appears in the family registry, but also what is built — the bonds we nurture and, above all, the people we choose to have in our lives or not.”

This shift has reduced the sense of obligation to support parents and grandparents. “I don’t identify with the image of the self-sacrificing son who visits his grandfather on Sundays, even if he finds him unbearable,” says Héctor Salgado, 28, who has reduced his contact with his family to almost nothing. He is grateful to belong to one of the first generations that will “truly” consider whether they want and are ready to have children. “It’s hard to say, but many of our parents had children out of inertia.” Salgado believes his generation has the opportunity to avoid repeating the mistakes their parents made with them. “I’ve spent my whole life watching my mother trapped in her relationship with my grandmother. She’s still nervous for fear of her disapproval, and yet she still visits her every Monday.”

Few grief experiences compare to the grief of breaking with one’s parents. Molina explains that, emotionally, what usually emerges is a particularly intense mix of anger and guilt. “Anger at not having felt heard, respected, acknowledged, or validated. And guilt because, ultimately, it’s about the parents. In many cases, there isn’t an explicitly harmful intention behind it, but rather problematic relational patterns that are perceived as well-intentioned.” She gives the example of very intrusive parents who offer their opinions on everything under the guise of helping. “It’s a form of covert control. And because it’s framed as ‘I’m doing it for your own good,’ it creates a guilt that’s difficult to dismantle, even when the harm is evident.”

But is it really possible to cut ties with one’s parents? Does it ever stop hurting? “It depends,” Gómez replies. “Some people are in such a bad place that they feel relief. Others distance themselves for less clear reasons, and then guilt or discomfort can linger for a long time, or even forever.” He concludes: “There’s no correct way to feel. It depends on the story and on the person.”

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